Put an arm around yourself
At this time of year, many of us naturally feel the need to pause, reset and slow down. But when life feels constantly ‘on’, making time for ourselves can be easier said than done. So, how can we give ourselves permission to pause and make self-care part of our everyday routine? And what does self-care actually look like, particularly during the darker months? Writer Jennifer Wallis speaks to the experts to find out
Social media would have us believe that self-care is a perfect-looking, 50-step morning routine that involves getting up about five minutes after we’ve gone to bed, or emptying our entire bank balance on a luxury five-night retreat in Thailand.
“I think there’s two misconceptions [about self-care]”, Lily Silverton, writer, speaker and author of Prioritise This: A Practical Guide for Thriving in a World That Won't Slow Down, tells us.
“One is that it’s self-indulgent, and people who lean towards this feel guilty about taking care of themselves. [The other is] that it’s the most important thing of all, and people who lean towards this sometimes blinker themselves to the reality of life, and their impact on other people.”
Self-care doesn’t have to be something that’s heavily optimised or big, indulgent and showy. It’s not a luxury. In fact, it’s incredibly important to our physical and mental wellbeing, and the wellbeing of others around us.
“Self-care is the day-to-day actions people take to look after their physical and mental health. It’s often about the simple habits that have the greatest impact on long-term health, such as getting enough sleep, staying active, eating well and maintaining social connections.”
- Dr Yvonne Umebuani Beresford, Vitality’s Commercial Medical Director
“It is about maintaining wellbeing, preventing illness where possible, recognising when something does not feel right,” continues Dr Umebuani Beresford. This can be achieved through behaviours such as regular physical activity, good sleep, healthy eating, stress management and accessing healthcare and advice from a healthcare professional when it’s needed – things that the Vitality Programme empower people to do.
“The better we care for ourselves, the better we can care for others and walk through this world with kindness and empathy at our core.” Silverton believes. “If we are not taking care of ourselves then that becomes very hard to do.”
Sleep plays a huge role, not only in our overall wellbeing, but also in our capacity to care for ourselves and others, and it is something that can often fall to the wayside when life might get in the way. Whether it’s a big project keeping us at work later than usual or a seemingly endless list of jobs to tackle once the children are in bed, finding time to switch off isn’t always easy. And it’s not just the amount of sleep we get that can suffer, but the quality of it too.
Seasons of life
As we head into the colder months, looking after ourselves becomes even more important. The shorter days and cooler weather may leave us wanting to slow down, but our routines and responsibilities rarely follow suit. With seasonal illnesses also more common at this time of year, making time to rest, recharge and eat well can help us feel at our best.
“The reduction in daylight can affect mood, energy levels and sleep patterns,” Dr Umebuani Beresford also points out. “Some people notice a dip in motivation or experience symptoms of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), while others may simply feel more tired or less inclined to exercise.”
How can we make time to look after ourselves, even when we don't feel motivated?
“Recognise it as a mindset rather than a chore or checklist item,” suggests Headspace Coach, Meghan Mitchell.
Mitchell recommends habit-stacking as the simplest way of adding self-care to our autumnal routines, such as listening to a podcast whilst walking the dog or taking three deep breaths before taking that first sip of tea or coffee.
“Quality, not duration matters,” she adds. “Two minutes of genuine presence is far more restorative than 30 minutes of meditation that you feel you have to do, whilst simultaneously worrying about your inbox or to-dos…It’s about checking in with what is most supportive for you in that moment.”
Silverton agrees: “The changing seasons can throw our routines, plans, bodies and minds up in the air, so self-care becomes important to ensure that these all land in roughly the place we want.”
Continuing to care for yourself the best you can as the seasons shift is important, but it’s also important to allow space for the shifting seasons of life and acknowledge how, at certain points in time, it may be easier or harder to implement this care.
“If you’ve moved into a harder season of life, the most important act of self-care is remaining kind to yourself while you adapt and not being hard on yourself if things don’t look exactly as you might like,” reassures Silverton.
Make the most of Autumn with our family guide
Get tips to keep the whole family healthy, active and happy this Autumn - and make the most of your Vitality rewards whilst you're at it.
Whether you’re staying indoors, enjoying a day out or heading off on an adventurous staycation, we’ve got a variety of suggestions for how you and your family can make the most of the season.
Make the most of Autumn with our family guide
Get tips to keep the whole family healthy, active and happy this Autumn - and make the most of your Vitality rewards whilst you're at it.
Whether you’re staying indoors, enjoying a day out or heading off on an adventurous staycation, we’ve got a variety of suggestions for how you and your family can make the most of the season.
5 tips to support your wellbeing this autumn from Oura
“Consistency is key to developing a healthy sleep routine. However, sleep is individual, and what works for one person may not work for another. When introducing new habits, it is important to maintain them for long enough to allow the body to adapt and for any effects to become apparent”
- Mari Karsikas, Senior Director, Product Science at Oura
Stay connected
“Maintaining social connections is an often overlooked aspect of self-care,” says Dr Umebuani Beresford. “[As it gets colder] people naturally spend more time indoors, so making a conscious effort to stay connected with friends, family and colleagues can have a positive impact on mental wellbeing.”
Feeling connected to others is essential for our overall wellbeing. In fact, the New Economics Foundation, include social connection as one of the key pillars to wellbeing. Mental health charity Mind says that “strong social relationships provide emotional support, reduce feelings of loneliness, and help build resilience against stress…people with a strong sense of community and social connection are less likely to experience anxiety and depression”.
All this said and done, it’s vital to remember that we can’t fix everything ourselves. “Good self-care includes recognising when you need professional support,” notes Dr Umebuani Beresford. “Seeking help for persistent physical symptoms, mental health concerns or worsening health conditions is not a failure of self-care, it is an important part of it.”
It can be easy to compare our lives to the perfectly curated social media feeds of wellness influencers, but perhaps a good way to care for ourselves is to stay away from anything that makes us feel guilty about how we’re living our lives and that we don’t have a 50-step optimised morning routine
“Self-care is about showing up for yourself and walking by your side during the good times and the bad,” concludes Silverton. “It’s your life – strive to support yourself but don’t burn yourself out doing so. That’s proper self-care for fall, and the whole year!”
Here when you’re ready
Vitality Health members can access our mental health pathway that helps you take early action with everyday support, from the Vitality Programme to Headspace, plus guided check-ins with Wysa.
Visit Care Hub to access the right next steps for you, and if needed, remote or in-person Talking Therapies.
